There is probably no perfect recipe for overcoming a break-up. We all have different ways of releasing the negativity (including writing about it). So how about you take the time to read a little recipe without the exact measurements of the ingredients needed to get over someone not worth the time and effort.
1) EMBRACE THE PAIN
There is not a heartbreak in history that did not tear a person to pieces. Romanticize it all you want. But the fact remains the same: it fucking hurts. Like it is shredding your every bone even though you don't know how that really feels like. The unbearable pain feels impossible to go away. You do all your favorite things; you try new things; you entertain other people. But nothing seems to work... yet. Well then, cry it all out and embrace the pain. Cuddle it. Feed it pizza. Make it your bitch.
2) ACCEPT THE TRUTH
Just be honest with yourself. That's one step closer of being free of pain. Then maybe, you can forget about it for a little while. You start cooking again. It smells good. Your family or friends tell you it was better than the dish the expensive restaurant in the city served last week. They may be overdoing it a little. But you smiled. And though their compliments felt like a temporary numbness pill, admit it, for a second there you almost did not think about him. Until, you remember how he used to cook for you. Don't give in.
3) DON'T LOOK BACK
Just when you think you are feeling better, the scumbag sends you a message. No! Things will get shaky. But never look back. Always look how far you have come. If you really want to get out of the hell hole, don't cling to the memories. There is always an emergency ladder in one of those awful holes. And you will find it once you realize that help begins within you. So climb that ladder, awesome person, and start putting those memories to the bin--where they actually belong. They are probably good or even great memories. But I assure you, there will be better ones, once you start to look forward. There are logical reasons why some things are left in the past. Do not let the feeling of wanting to go back lingers. It's normal to long for the past. But the present will always be of major importance. Focus and live in the now.
4) DO IT FOR YOURSELF
Decide that you will not be miserable because of a miserable person. Tell your whiny brain cells that your happiness is not dependent on other people. Because it should not. Perhaps, create a mantra and remind yourself of it everyday, every time possible or every chance you have. "You cannot hurt me because you do not matter." Laugh now, but that lie may actually start to become real if you're consistent enough. Learn to love your own company. Try that thing you have always wanted to try but used to have no time for. Find new hobbies. Let your old passion burn again. Explore. Do it for no one, but for yourself. For a better version of you. And not for your neighbor who keeps questioning your life decisions. Or your classmate who never fails to ask you why your eye bags seem darker than last night. Screw what people think. It's all about you now, person. Make your new found freedom worth your while.
5) ASK FOR HELP
There is no shame in asking for a helping hand. We all need a little help sometimes, and these are one of those times. Talk to a friend or a family member. Go out and keep them company. You probably need alone time on several occasions. But you also need some posies. You have so many people who got your back. How about you finally watch that movie you promised to watch with your best friend? Or finally buy your little nephew the ice cream he wanted the last time you baby sat him? You don't have to talk about it if you're not ready yet. Just spend quality time with the people who really care and truly matter.
6) GIVE IT TIME
Probably no better ingredient to heal a broken heart than to give it time. Yes, amazing human being, take all the time you need. Time is your friend and can genuinely help you heal. Soon enough, you will realize how you have slowly released all the negative emotions you used to have. It might still hurt sometimes. Every once in a while. Even all of a sudden. But surely it will get better. You may not be as better as you want to be right now, but surely you will be better than you were yesterday, every single day. A day will come that you will surprise yourself of how much you have changed. Better than you ever thought. Nothing to rush. You'll get out of there. The sun must and will come up.
It's okay to not be okay. You can be sad. You can embrace all your emotions. But don't be always not okay. There is a life out there. So many wonderful things awaiting to be discovered. It is just a phase in your life that will eventually end. They say nothing good ever lasts. But that's because nothing really lasts. And that include sufferings. Troubles will fade. Challenges can be overcame. And obstacles will help you grow. Just keep moving forward. The good ones will always stay.
CUE IN: some Phoenix in the background
It's still dark there, I know. And I cannot promise you a beautiful Sunday morning this week. But there will be one. Soon.
(video from Phoenix vevo, youtube)
photo: a day in calatagan, 2010 // Sony A300 (c)
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